This is a mother’s story. This story is about having a family member, in this case a son, struggling with
substance use and the impact it has on all those trying to help, particularly a mother.
Sherri’s story is not our typical HRC recovery story, but is one that is unfortunately very common to many
people and families who are or have struggled with alcohol and substance use and the effect it has on the
family and friends, and this is a story that needs to be shared.
As you might have guessed, this is not a survival story. Sherri’s son, AJ was 27 years old when he overdosed.
For the most part, he was a bright, outgoing young person. AJ struggled with addiction from the time he was
14 to he was almost 30. Shortly before his death, once again AJ was trying to get clean, was going through
withdrawal and trying to get into a recovery program.
A mother’s journey – expecting to find a facility to help her son, it ultimately became a mother’s and son’s
responsibility to fight to get AJ well. AJ resisted treatment with Suboxone and instead drank to deal with his
heroin addiction. On “good days” AJ talked about needing substances to feel “normal.” Substance use made
him able to cope. He felt he needed drugs to not be sick. At the same time, not wanting to feel bad and
wanting to get off drugs.
Over that time, he had been through “recovery” many times at many facilities. This latest time Sherri and
her son visited several recovery facilities hoping to find help “now” for her son’s withdrawal from heroin,
hopefully a facility that would provide Suboxone to help with his withdrawal and recovery. Unfortunately, at
that time AJ didn’t have any heroin in his system which was required in order for him to be admitted into a
recovery program. If he had been using at the time he could be entered, which would have meant he’d have
to begin using and then go through withdrawal all over again. Finally, AJ went on a crazy 2-day binge, was
tested again and with Houston Recovery Center’s community health worker and coach Riley Burns help
went into treatment program. HRC does more than just referrals. Riley and others at HRC helped AJ begin to
reestablish his life. They found a treatment facility to accept him, found a sober living facility, and helped
him get his ID and drivers license.
Finally, everything seemed to be working. AJ was in recovery and had recently come into a significant
amount of money from a trust fund – things were looking good. Two days later, AJ was found dead in a hotel
room. He had been with someone that day, but no details about the circumstance were ever made available
to his family.
Sherri’s continuing recovery story
Not for AJ unfortunately, but for his mother. As a parent one is always in the “fix it” mode. You think “I can
fix this, I can and will help my child in any way he/she needs.” At the same time, parents grieve, not
necessarily really conscience of their grief, but inside they feel the sadness at their inability to really do the
things that can actually help.
With the death of her son, Sherri became aware with just how much grief and regret had been part of her
everyday life, and how much of those feelings continued. Without her son and his addiction, she had
nothing to focus on except on her sadness and loss. “What do I do NOW that he, his addiction and his needs
are gone? I should be able to focus on my remaining family, on the “survivors,” but I can’t seem to. Once
again, this was where HRC continues to help those in need. Riley continued to reach out, remain in touch
and connected to Sherri and her family, and to provide the ongoing support system that was necessary.
Sherri thought and friends told her, that now she can get up every day and do what she wants to do, not
because she has to, but because she wants to. What Sherri didn’t expect was the final irony, her guilt. Her
feelings of guilt for feeling any relief because she no longer had to struggle with AJ’s troubles.
Whether you have been a caregiver for a family member with cancer or other long-term illness or someone
with a substance use disorder who has passed away, many of these same emotions may feel very common.
In Sherri’s case she has been lucky enough to have good, understanding friends and family to help her
through the most trying times of her continuing “recovery” journey. The feelings of loss, grief, regret and
even some remaining “survivors” guilt still remain, but they do not own her days completely. While these
feeling will probably never go away completely they do recede and will allow her to go on with life and enjoy
what family and friends remain.